Being a borderline feels like eternal hell. Nothing less. Pain, anger, confusion, never knowing how I’m gonna feel from one minute to the next. Hurting because I hurt those whom I love. Feeling misunderstood. Nothing gives me pleasure. Wanting to die but not being able to kill myself because I’d feel too much guilt for those I’d hurt, and then feeling angry about that so I cut myself or take an overdose to make all the feelings go away.
Some assumptions about BPD may include:
I must be loved by all the important people in my life always or else I am worthless. I must be completely competent in all ways to be a worthwhile person.
Some people are good and everything about them is perfect. Other people are thoroughly bad and should be severely blamed and punished for it.
My feelings are always caused by external events. I have no control over my emotions or the things I do in reaction to them.
Nobody cares about me as much as I care about them, so I always lose everyone I care about-despite the desperate things I try to do to stop them from leaving me.
If someone treats me badly, then I become bad.
When I am alone, I become nobody and nothing.
I will be happy only when I can find an all-giving, perfect person to love me and take care of me no matter what.
But if someone close to this loves me, then something must be wrong with them.
I can’t stand the frustration that I feel when I need something from someone and I can’t get it. I’ve got to do something to make it go away.